1. Dear McDonald's: When I order a fat-free iced latte, I don't expect a cup of warm coffee with a couple of ice cubes thrown in.
2. Dear T-Mobile: YES, I SENT BACK MY FRIGGING DEFECTIVE PHONE! Stop texting me.
3. Dear Job: Nope...not coming in early.
4. Dear Hubby: Calling me to find out if our son's car is ready is like me calling you to find out if I have a cavity.
5. Dear Eli: I know you're excited when I give you a cookie. But ramming your head into the wall with pure excitement is really not a very good idea.