Monday, October 26, 2009

BORING CELEBRITY MEMOIR

I'm currently (well, actually I've been at it a while) struggling through a memoir written by an actor I've admired my whole life. I mean seriously admired. Like, if this actor came to my town and charged upward of $200 bucks to read the Holy Bible backwards--in Czech--I'd happily pay for a front row seat.

The book s-u-c-k-s.

Okay, in all fairness, maybe "s-u-c-k-s" is too strong of a word.

How about B-O-R-I-N-G?

How about "DO-WE-HAVE-TO-KNOW-EVERY-MINUTE-DETAIL-OF-YOUR-GENEALOGCAL HISTORY?"?

Or: "IF-YOU-PAID-A-GHOST-WRITER-FOR-THIS-YOU-SHOULD-DEFINITELY-ASK-FOR-A-REFUND"?

Except I doubt this actor used a ghost writer only because this actor has written books in the past. You guessed it: children's books. Without launching into a Celebrities Who Decide To Write Children's Books rant, let me just say I wasn't impressed with those stories, either.

I checked out the reviews for this memoir on Goodreads (there are tons of them) and I'm amazed at the number of 4 and 5 starred reviews. The few 1 or 2 starred reviews all say the same thing: boring. BORING!

But the majority of the reviews are 4 and 5 stars. What??? Either y'all have a much greater attention span than me (which is quite possible these days) or you're hoping the author will read your review and send you a thank you note that you can sell on eBay.

It takes a lot for me to put down a book and never finish it. I mean, if I don't find a story positively thrilling, I'll least skim it, you know? And hope it gets better? This one is not getting better, which is an absolute shame because this actor lived a fascinating life. And I'm a fan...

no, not just a fan--a huuuuuge freeeeakin' faaaan!!! I should be mesmerized by every word.

<--tosses book into my NTBF (never to be finished) pile.

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