Wednesday, May 20, 2009

American Idol Finale LIVE!

My Immediate Impressions of the American Idol finale, recorded live while show in progress (warning--minimal proof-reading):

Two cute guys in glittering Elvis suits. Looove Adam's boots.

I've heard that "Rock Star" song so many frickin' times in the past few months--did they have to open the finale with that?

David Cook forgot to shave. If you're gonna look that scraggly, why bother with the haircut?

Outstanding Male Performance Nominess

Will: faker!
Michael: L.D. I wish their families wouldn't let them do this.
Guy: so bad I forgot his name in 3 seconds. Sang with his mouth shut.
Dean Anthony: Can't get past the fugly coat so who cares what he sounds like?
Nick: Needs Haldol, preferably the injectable variety.

Winner: Nick

If Queen Latifah can wear THAT (yikes) in front of a gazillion people, I'm wearing shorts this summer.

I wish I could see the rest of Paula's dress. The top looks like it's made of armor.

I love this song and I don't know the title or who the dude is that sings it and I can't understand the lyrics--but I love it!

(I just googled it: Jason Mraz--"I'm Yours")

Keith Urban + Kris. You know, this has got to be one of the BIGGEST thrills for these kids, singing with the stars. :)

It's 8:39. If I smoked I'd be having a cigarette at the next commercial break.

In my lifetime, I just want to see one single commercial about a household product (laundry detergent, Pledge, etc.) that has a GUY doing the laundry, dusting, vaccuuming, etc. with NO female in sight. I fear this may never happen.

Fergie looks fabulous; not so much the Black Eyed Peas dude with the crotch of his pants down to his knees. My gangsta patients wear their pajama bottoms like that. "Boom, boom" indeed.

I Already Forgot What This Category Is:

Katrina: (bikini girl): annoying.
Alexis: OMG, don't wear out those fingers.
Tiffany: Simon said she sang like a donkey. THAT was rude. True, but rude.

Katrina wins? Pleaase. Simon only liked her b/c she was, uh, mosly naked (and still is). But hey, she can sing!

Almost 9:00. How much longer can I keep this up? Puppy's snoring. I'd like to join him, except...not in the crate.

Cindy Lauper's "Time After Time"--lovely! Is that a zither she's playing?

I love seeing Kris's and Adam's parents.

Danny Gokey and David Cook have matching face scraggle. But Danny's performance is beautiful--and now he's singing with LIONEL RITCHIE!!! How can he not faint?

(Rats, now I wish I'd bought those buy-one-get-one-free Rainbow Twizzlers I passed up this morning cuz I am jonseing for something, anything--!!!)

Randy looks spiffy. Why can't I remember that new judge's name? Niiiice gown, girlfriend. Still haven't gotten a good look at Simon.

OMG, looks like Adam's auditioning for the part of Edward Scissorhands. But he's singing "Beth" which means...


(whyyyy do they have to bust a perfectly good guitar at the end?)

Kara. Her name is KARA.

Santana's "Black Magic Woman" segued perfectly into Adam and "Smooth." Pure awesomeness. :) :) :)

Note: I'm rooting for Adam if you haven't figured that out by now.

Simon, as usual, looks like he wishes he were somewhere else...

Sometimes I'm so entranced by the instruments I pay no attention to the singers. Or even to the people playing the instruments. Did I notice it was Steve Martin playing the banjo? Nope.

9:35. Ice cream might be nice. Too bad I don't have any. Too bad nobody'll run out and buy me any.

OK, the guys are singing Rod Stewart. Does that mean...?


OMG. OK, this show ROCKS!

Although...*cough* Rod's plaid jacket kinda reminds me of the coat I made fun of above. You know I got tickets to see Elton John and Billy Joel this weekend, right? Now if I can just see Rod one of these days before one of us croaks.

You know in shows like this, they only let the young, cute, hip people up front near the stage? Yep. I know because I saw Paul Simon and John Mayer at the Rock Hall where they were taping a special for VH1. There were people looking everyone over and telling them exactly where to sit. Groups were broken UP! Er, it goes without saying I ended up waaaaaaaay in the back.

Outstanding Female Performance

Girl that sounded like cat jumping off Empire State Building: don't insult dead cats.
Irene: sang 4 lines before I realized it was "Over the Rainbow."
Girl in hat: hahahahahaha!
Tatiana: why tasers were invented.

Winner: Tatiana

Adam and Kris singing "We Are the Champions" which means--yeah, I figured this out all by myself, haha--that Queen's coming on. Not quite the same without Freddie Mercury, though.

They still made me smile. I don't know if it was nostalgia or the sight of these old dudes ROCKIN' their a$$es off!

9:58. No results yet. It's gonna be ADAM, right? Right?

Ryan says: "THIS IS IT."

The envelope is at hand, the results verified. Drag it out some more, NOT.

The winner is: KRIS


It was the eyeliner, right?

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