Monday, June 25, 2007

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

Crisis! My right blue Birkie sandal broke. BROKE! I'm sick about it. I lived in those shoes. Yes, they ripped up my feet in New York, but, but, but they were my favoritest shoes! My sister gave them to me. My toenails matched the color. Now what'm I supposed to wear to my signing on Tuesday, my freaking clogs? OK, my clogs are cool (though the Prince, who thinks I should be traipsing around in Prada stilettos, would disagree) but--wahhh!

Mary spent 3 hrs printing out bookmarks for me Friday (smooch!). So I go to Staples on Saturday to buy a laminator and figure out that, by the time I buy the machine and enough of the pages, I can have Staples do it for me. Except cutting them costs another arm and a I spent 3 hrs there Saturday morning cutting them out, left them to be lammed, and went back yesterday to spend another 2.5 hrs cutting them out AGAIN. I see now why they charge such a fortune. It's time consuming, and I can't tell you how close I came to severing a finger. My dad was a paper cutter so I, um, really got into it. Enthusiasm can be deadly.

Re Tuesday: I have party supplies. I have goodies. I have door prizes. I have two excerpts to read. I have 2k7 information sheets. I have Alateen information sheets. I have something to wear (sorta). My roots have been touched up, my split ends trimmed. I have everything, except for a speech, lol.

On the Grandma front: She has a very good friend (let's call her Ruby) at the nursing home. They're like fricking Siamese twins joined at the walker. They'd go outside, sit in the garden, blab, gossip, make goo-goo eyes at the workmen, raise hell, et cetera. Ruby is Grandma's first "real" friend in a very long time. I can't stress that enough. Like Grandma she seems perfectly fine...for a minute or two.

A couple weeks back, Ruby moseyed outside, climbed into a stranger's waiting car, and huddled down in the back seat. No small feat for an 80 yr old chick, and God knows what she was thinking. The driver came out, got in, and drove right off. He didn't even NOTICE till he'd gone a few blocks. Ruby was returned unharmed, but the nurses, of course, slapped an ankle bracelet on her, one that blasts an ear-splitting alarm if she gets within 3 feet of a door. Ruby's officially on House Arrest (as Grandma was--till she got hold of a scissors, chopped hers off, and threw the "G-damned thing" at an outraged nurse. At >200 bucks a piece, they decided not to risk a second one. Anyway, nobody who values their own life would dare drive away with Grandma).

Well, last week Grandma snuck into the main office (how? who knows???) where they caught her rooting around in the desk drawers. Her mission, which she freely admitted, was to find another pair of scissors (because they confiscated hers) so she could cut off RUBY'S alarm, dammit.

I love that woman.

I think I'm blathering to keep my mind off of Tuesday.

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