Monday, November 26, 2007

Congratulations! You Just Won Yourself a Full-Body Cast!

According to my horoscope, I am going to fall in love with someone today--yeah, TODAY--and I shouldn't try to "deny my attraction."

Um, don't think so. Moving on...

Ever manage to almost kill yourself 3 different way in less than 15 seconds? It's surprsingly easy.

1. Nature calls at 4:45 a.m. Correction: Nature screams in your ear and beats you over the head with a flaming branch. So you roll over to jump out of bed--and realize you are already ON the edge of the bed. The floor comes at you fast. Luckily you break your fall by hanging yourself on your computer cord.

2. Rush into the bathroom without turning on the light because A. that wastes a second, and B. you don't want to BLIND yourself, right? Promptly step on down the hand-held Poker game your spouse lovingly (insidiously?) left on the floor. Yes, it'll move like a skateboard under your foot. You'll get to the toilet faster--minus a few lumbar discs.

3. Sit down (in the dark) and realize (too late) someone left the toilet seat up. Not only is this a much farther drop than you anticipated (ah, think of the possibilities: cracked tailbone, more slipped discs, fractured skull) but your a$$ is now FULLY SUBMERGED in a bowl of ice water and your knees roughly in the vicinity of your ears.

Now I wonder, am I worth more dead than alive??? Why do I suddenly feel like Doris Day in Midnight Lace?

Well, on the bright side, I am off today and plan to wrap up this NaNo business over the next couple of days.

............If I survive!!!

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