Little Writers in the Big Woods: Part 2

The camp owner--whom, I might add, we never laid eyes on again, ever--piled our stuff on an ATV and drove it up to the cabin. Well, most of the stuff. The rest we schlepped in a wheelbarrow.

Correction: Pam schlepped the wheelbarrow. I lugged bags. If someone offered me a significant amount of money I could probably push a wheelbarrow maybe fifty feet. On dry, level concrete. Pam's muscles rippled as she barreled toward the cabin, trudging firmly through grass, trenches, and slippery clay. I followed, whimpering.

After dumping our stuff off and giving us a brief tour, the dude disappeared...and then we discovered
A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE INCONVENIENCES.

Unfortunate Inconvenience #1: No running water.

Funny how I assumed an "equipped kitchen" meant we'd be able to twist a faucet and have, well, water. No, we had a water pump which involved--YUCK--which involved walking down to the lake, filling empty milk jugs with amoeba-laced water, lugging them back, pouring them into the pump, and then, well...pumping and pumping till we acquired enough suction to draw water from the well.


Pamela and her "jugs"


Pamela pumping water

Notice it's Pam pumping the water, not me. One-handed, no less.

Unfortunate Inconvenience #2: Where the hell is the coffee maker???

Oh, wait. Here it is:



I think I saw one of these back in 1975.

Guess what? It didn't work.

I cannot. Live. Without. Coffee!

And then, ah yes, we found Unfortunate Inconvenience #3. The worst and most astonishing one of all--and if you're even remotely squeamish, do not read any further:

An outhouse.

Yes, we expected an outhouse.

What we did NOT expect was to see something like this:



The first words out of my mouth were:


"OMIGOD! I am SO not going back to Cleveland with f***ing hepatitis!"


Note: This is NOT a "smile" on Pamela's face.

Pam eyed her leftover gas station tea cup. I eyed her leftover gas station tea cup.

Yep, you guess it. Unfortunate Inconvenience #3 temporarily solved: