So sorry to hear about all the recent anxieties/stessors/disapointments/things-that-generally-piss-you- off in your life. You'll be delighted to know we have no intention of breaking the trend! For that reason we are CANCELLING our fabulous Broadway production of CHICAGO and will refund the full amount of your tickets to your already maxed-out Mastercard which means you had no bloody business buying these exorbitantly expensive tickets in the first place.
We know how much you were looking forward to show. Goodness, it certainly sucks to be you. Therefore, we'd like to extend our apologies for any inconvience and add a heartfelt "nyah-nyah-nyah-NYAH-nyaaaah-nyah!" to one of our favorite customers.
Sincerely, The Management.